Muscatine

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

"Quick," said the woman to her lover," into the closet!"and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked him.

"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.

"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.

"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied.

"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said,... "Those little buggers!"

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:
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Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.
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I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
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Roses are red, violets are blue,

sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,

the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
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Of loving beauty you float with grace,

If only you could hide your face.

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Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,

This describes everything you are not.

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I want to feel your sweet embrace,

But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

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I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --

D@mn, I'm good at telling lies!

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My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife --

Marrying you screwed up my life.

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I see your face when I am dreaming,

That's why I always wake up screaming.

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My love, you take my breath away --

What have you stepped in to smell this way?

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My feelings for you no words can tell,

Except for maybe "Go To H***."

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What inspired this amorous rhyme? --

Two parts vodka, one part lime!