Muscatine

Collards is green,
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.

You have some'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life more
than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger.
That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,
these just won't do.
Cause yo're too special,
you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
More useful than diamonds...
it's a new troll'n motor!!

I'M MY OWN GRAMPA - Homer & Jethro 1956 RCA Victor 6765 Many, many years ago when I was 23 I was married to a Wider who was purty as can be This Wider had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red My father fell in love with her and soon they two were wed This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life For my daughter was my mother cause she was my father's wife To complicate the matter even though it brought me joy I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy I'm my own grampa, I'm my own grampa It sounds funny I know But it really is so I'm my own grampa My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad And so became my uncle though it made me very sad For if he was my uncle then that also made him brother Of the Wider's grown up daughter who of course was my step-mother My father's wife then had a son who kept them on the run And he became my granchild for he was my daughters son My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue Because although she is my wife she's my grandmother too I'm my own grampa, I'm my own grampa It sounds funny I know But it really is so I'm my own grampa Oh if my wife is my grandmother then I'm her grandchild And every time I think of it, it nearly drives me wild For now I have become strangest case you ever saw As husband of my own grandmother I'm my own grampa I'm my own grampa, I'm my own grampa It sounds funny I know But it really is so I'm my own grampa

What Kinda Deal is This? by Bill Carlisle, 1965 Now me and Liz Was on our first date We was sitting at this red light Having to wait And this old boy walked up With a big possum grin And he just opened the car door And crawled right in And I thought What kinda deal is this You know, the thing that Was getting me the most Was the way this old boy Seemed to feel his oats Man, he was really Getting under my skin Sitting over there With that big stupid grin And I thought What kinda deal is this I got to wondering About this friend of Liz But I figured any minute She'll tell me who he is But as we drove along I thought, man, oh, man 'Cause me and him and Liz Was all three holding hands And I thought What kinda deal is this Now I ain't too smart But I could still see This whole deal looked All fouled up to me So I thought I'd better stop it Man, it's going too far 'Cause she was a hugging me And he was hugging her And I thought What kinda deal is this Well, I knew it wasn't right But what could I say I thought I'd just kinda Let it go along thataway But pretty soon I seen I was out on a limb I couldn't kiss her Without kissing him And, man, I thought What kinda deal is this So I stopped the car And I said lookie here, Liz You'd better tell me Who this guy is She said, I don't know him I thought he was your friend I said, well, if you don't know him What's he doing here then I thought What kinda deal is this So I grabbed him by the collar And I jerked him outta the car I said, buddy, I ain't never Seen nobody like you are How come you pull these kinda jokes He said, well, sometimes it works Sometimes it don't And I thought What kinda deal is this Well I drew back my fist To hit him in the face He broke loose And outrun the snakes So now here I stand Just looking at Liz And both of us wondering Who this guy is Now what kinda deal Do you think this is You find out I wish you'd let me know Man, it's tore me up Like a sow's bed You ain't never been tore up Till you been tore up like a sow's bed You'll know what I mean then

TO FUNNY LOL