Muscatine

WESTJET

 You gotta love the Canadian sense of humour.

 West Jet is an Airline with head office situated in Calgary , Alberta .
 West Jet airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety
 lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real
 examples that have been heard or reported:

 On a West Jet flight (There is no assigned seating, you just sit where
 you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a
 flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out
 furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
 -----------------------
 On another West Jet Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew,
 the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude
 and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and
 to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
 ------------------------
 On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your
 belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
 something we'd like to have."
 ------------------------
 "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out
 of this airplane." -----------------------
 "Thank you for flying West Jet Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us
 the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
 ---------------------------
 As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at the Vancouver Airport ,
 a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
 -------------------------
 After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Ontario, a
 flight attendant on a West Jet flight announced, "Please take care when
 opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that,
 sure as hell everything has shifted."
 -----------------------
 From a West Jet Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard West Jet Flight 245
 to Calgary . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the
 buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and,
 if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in
 public unsupervised."
 ---------------------
 "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend
 from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your
 face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask
 before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one
 small child, pick your favourite."
 -----------------------
 "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
 we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember,
 nobody loves you, or your money, more than West Jet Airlines."
 ------------------------
 "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an
 emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our
 compliments."
 -----------------------
 "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
 Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
 attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
 ---------------------------
 And from the pilot during his welcome message: "West Jet Airlines is
 pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in
 the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
 -----------------------------
 Heard on West Jet Airlines just after a very hard landing in Edmonton :
 The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a
 bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't
 the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight
 attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
 ------------------------------
 Overheard on a West Jet Airlines flight into Regina , on a particularly
 windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really
 having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight
 Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina . Please remain
 in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis
 what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
 ------------------------------
 Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We
 ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the
 terminal."
 ---------------------
 An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered
 his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
 required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers
 exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said
 that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
 passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
 Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking
 with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
 "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"

 The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
 -------------------
 After a real crusher of a landing in Halifax , the attendant came on
 with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain
 Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt
 against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning
 bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way
 through the wreckage to the terminal."
 -----------------------
 Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank
 you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the
 insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal
 tube, we hope you'll think of West Jet Airways."
 -----------------------
 Heard on a West Jet Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish
 to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you
 can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
 -----------------------
 A plane was taking off from the Winnipeg Airport . After it reached a
 comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the
 intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome
 to Flight Number 293, nonstop from Winnipeg to Montréal .. The weather
 ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful
 flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!"
 Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the
 intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you
 earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally
 spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my
 pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the
 back of mine