Neighborhood Link "The Game Show"
"Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, and welcome to another installment of Neighborhood Link "The Game Show." I am you announcer Nigel, today with some contestants who want to win some fantastic prizes. And now here is the host of our show, Mr. Nedl Winkendale." The audience erupts in a roar of thunderous applause.
"Thank you, thank you so much ladies and gentlemen. This is Neighborhood Link "The Game Show" and yes, it is true, I am your debonair host Nedl Winkendale. Our game show is fast fun and exciting. Kinda a cross between The Price is Right, Let's Make a Deal, and Fear Factor. So let's get to our first contestant. Nigel, who is our first suck... I mean our first contestant?"
"Well Winkster, she is well known here on Neighborhood Link, likes to hang out at the Neighborhood Link bar and loves reading the funny posts, Heeeeeeere's Wroe!"
"Welcome Wroe, it is so nice to see you."
"Thanks Mr. Winkendale, it is so nice to be here. I'm so excited."
"And we are glad to have you here. It says here on your bio card that you like to jog."
"Yes, I do, I like to get out and exercise."
"So does that mean we can call you a Wroe Runner?"
The crowd starts laughing hysterically. Wroe takes and kicks Nedl right in the softspot, right in the old knapsack, right in the jewels, right in the beans, right in the sack of love, right in the ‘oh,-that's-got-to-hurt' spot. Nedl falls to his knees and his face turns three shades of purple.
"No, you may not." Says Wroe somewhat perturbed.
"Uuuuuggggg, kay. No Wroe Runner jokes. Got it." Wroe helps Nedl to his feet. "Okay then, your challenge tonight is to decide which of our posters can complete their task first, before the others. Behind door number one is Drunkenfool. DF's task tonight is to pass a breathalyzer test before the others finish their tasks."
"Oh I just love DF and I've spent some time together with him at the Neighborhood Link bar, but I'm pretty sure he isn't going to be passing any breathalyzer test anytime to soon."
"Well behind door number two is Frazzled. Her task is to wash a months worth of green thongs from the neighborhood by hand."
"OMG, Frazzled. You poor girl. How did you get yourself into this?"
Frazzled looks a bit daunted. "I don't know, Wroe. I don't know what the guys do in these things but they smell worse than my baby's diapers."
"Oh, you poor girl," consoles Wroe.
"And behind door number three we have Tom Milder. Tom has to get his whole house cleaned up before his wife gets home." Nedl looks directly into the camera. "What Tom doesn't know is that we have arranged for his wife to be on her way home right now."
"What?" says Tom as he pops up off of his recliner. "Oh, man, this isn't funny!" He starts scurrying around the house picking up old pizza boxes, Cheetos bags, cigar butts and empty beer bottles. Frazzled starts frantically washing green thongs and DF blows into a breathalyzer.
"2.8,' announces the patrolman monoriting DF's tests. DF starts drinking a lot of coffee and doing jumping jacks. The flurry of activity continues. Wroe is having a hard time deciding who will get done first.
"What is you guess, Wroe?" asks the very sore host.
"I don't know, but I think Frazzled will be able to get those thongs done before the two guys get done. After all she is a woman." The audience applauds their approval and starts chanting "Frazzled, Frazzled."
All the sudden Tom yells "DONE!" "Oh, I am so sorry," says Winkendale, "You left the toilet seat up and it looks like you had pizza and left over Chinese food for supper last night. That toilet is gross. Oh, oh, here comes your wife Tom."
Just as Wink says that Frazzled hangs the last green thong up on the line. "Frazzled is the winner and that means Wroe, you have won the challenge. Tell her what she has won, Nigel."
"Well Winkster, she has won this hand made replica statue of Harry Mollusk."
"Oh, this is so exciting, I can't believe it."
"Take and turn it around and pull the manpon string," says Nedl.
Wroe pulls the string and a mechanical, pre-recorded voice says, "I am Harry Mollusk, the Clam god. I need a virgin sacrifice."
"Oh, this is so exciting, I love it. Thank you Frazzled." Wroe is lead off stage.
"So Nigel, I'm standing here all by myself. Do we have another contestant?"
"We sure do Winkmiester. He is one of our favorite posters, heeeeeeres Kenn.
"Welcome Kenn, it's good to see you buddy."
"It's good to be here Wink, I hope I can do good."
"I'm sure you will. You like to do a little woodworking don't you?"
"Yes I've done a few projects in my day."
"Well, here we have a scroll saw. We are going to give you the name of a poster, then you have one minute to cut something out of wood and paint it that represents that poster. As an example if I were to say Drunkenfool you would cut out a piece of wood and paint it to look like a beer can. Got the idea?"
"Wow this may be tough, buts let's give it a try."
"Alright, your first poster's name is Big Brother."
Kenn immediately starts in at the scroll saw. Soon he has the paint in hand and finishes within the minute. "Well Wink I cut it out and painted it in the shape of an eye. Partly because of George Orwell's 1984 and because BB does a good job of keeping an eye on things on the board."
Ding, ding , ding, ding, ding. "The judges say yes, good job Kenn." announces Wink. "So let's see your next poster is Tlou."
"Wow!" says Kenn. He starts cutting and soon is finished. "I made a heart, Wink and painted it white to represent sugar cause she is such a sweetheart."
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Kenn raises his hands in victory. "Good job, Kenn. Let's see for your last one we have... TARRALL!
"Oh my gosh!" Kenn thinks for a moment then sits down and starts cutting. Soon he is finished and proudly presents his piece to Nedl. "I cut out a badge cause he monitors behavior on the board."
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. "Yes! Kenn you have won. You are a winner. Nigel what has Kenn won?"
"Well Winky-dinky, Kenn you no longer have to wear the pass around the neighborhood green thong, cause you have won your own green thong!"
"Wow this is great! My own green thong! I am so excited. I can't wait till my next oncology appointment so I can wear it for my oncologist. He'll be so excited. Thank you so much."
"Well, Nigel it looks like we could use another contestant. Who do we have next?
"Well Wink-a-dink, our next contestant is our own fun loving, toy man, Opinionated." The crowd half heartedly applauds as Opie comes onto the stage.
"How are you doing Opinionated? Good to see you here tonight," says the gracious host.
"Thanks, it's nice to be here."
"Well tonight we have some questions for you. Get the answers right and you could be our big winner. So here is your first question. What is this sound?"
Opie listens for a moment. "That sounds like a kazoo."
"Gesundheit!" says Nedl as he and the audience start laughing.
"What's so funny?"
"Your next question, what is the name of the South American nut shaped like a comma?"
"A cashew?"
"Gesundheit!" Again the whole audience starts laughing hysterically. "Oh, oh, I'm laughing so hard I need a..." Nedl points to the box on the podium. Opie reaches over and grabs a Kleenex.
"You need a tissue?"
"Gesundheit!" scream Nedl as the whole audience cracks up all over again.
"Oh, I get it. All the answers sound like a sneeze."
"Okay, your last question, this is for the big prize. Ready? What did Tom Milder say to his wife when she got home?"
Opinionated thought for a moment. It has to sound like a sneeze. "Um, Miss you?"
EEEEEEKKKKKKKKK. The buzzer sounded. "No, I am so sorry," said the host. "That was the wrong answer. He said ‘Hi Honey, glad you are home.'"
"But that doesn't sound like a sneeze."
"What are you talking about? Tell you what, because you have been a good sport I will let you have a consolation prize. Pick a door. You can have whatever is behind door number one, number two , or number three."
"I... ah... I, ah don't know what to say, thanks Nedl. I'll pick, I guess, ah... door number two."
Nigel what has he won behind door number two?"
"Well Dinky Winkie, he has won..." The door opens and we hear that dreaded sound effect "wah wah wah" telling everyone Opie got the booby prize. "Behind door number two is...Tarrall! You are going to Denver to spend two weeks in suspension jail. You've been banned.!" The audience jumps to their feet in uproarous applause.
"NNNNOOOOO!!!!! I don't want to be banned!"
"Well we do. Two weeks of no sick jokes, bad puns and lame humor. We are the big winners tonight. This is Nedl Winkendale saying good night and may all you posts be happy ones."
omg ILSHIPMP I PROMISE IF U LET ME PLAY AGAIN I WONT TOUCH YOUR FAMILY JEWELS!!!!!!!
