Muscatine

To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown(Downtown, Savannah )

I was the white guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand
over shortly after you pulled the knife on  me and my girlfriend.

You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.

I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect  you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took
my jacket.  Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening,
and it  wasn't that cold outside.

You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol
for Christmas, and we had just picked up a  shoulder holster for it that
evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very  intimidating weapon when pointed
at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd
come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it
was even worse since you  also ended up leaving your shoes, cell phone, and
wallet with me.

I  couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to
mug us again.

I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you  had her listed
in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself
some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the  homeless guys over
by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in  your wallet, then I
threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your
bill in case you'd like to  know which ones. Alltel
recently shut down the line, and I've only had the  phone for a little over
a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't
permanently cut off your service. I was about to  make some threatening
phone calls to the DA's office with it.

Oh well.

So, about your pants. I  know that I was a little rough on you when you did
this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm
sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like
to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the
pants. What brand did you use, and was  it liquid or powder? I'd also like
to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home
humiliated..

I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life.

Next time you might not be so lucky.

If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry.

Peace! - Alex

Sorry for the double post... Guess I must have spent a little too much tmie at the bar tonight..LOL

i saw this on another blog a couple of weeks ago. i thought it wasn't funny then or now. what humor am i missing out on?

That's expected of you.