Muscatine

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

5. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: does this
taste funny to you?"

6. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, It's Not Unusual."

7. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

8. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.

9. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

10. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't
find any.

11. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know, I
amputated your arms!"

12. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

14. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says, "Dam!"

15. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.

16. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to
disperse.  "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said.
"I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

17. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family
in Spain; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
herhusband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.  Her husband
responds, "They're twins!   If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

18. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he had bad
breath. This made him. a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

19. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail.  The call went out
that there was a small medium at large.

 KFC- Obama style.

"Michelle Obama special - 2 large thighs,2 small breasts and 1 very expensive left wing "

McDonald's is offering the new Michael Jackson burger.

It's a 50-year-old piece of meat wedged between 2 10-year-old buns!

A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"  The bartender, confused, tells the duck that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.  The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"  Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.  The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!''  The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?''  Confused, the bartenders says no.  ''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?''    

One day a mom who had three sons had a birthday.  Each son wanted to get her the best gift ever, so they all went shopping.  Her first son buys her a really fancy car.  The second son buys her a really huge house.  The third son went to talk to the priest.  He talked with them for a while about a parrot that was trained to say the whole Bible.  The priests said that it would cost a ton of money, but the son agreed that it was worth it to pay one million dollars every year for his mom to own the parrot.  Later the mom was writing thank you cards.  To her first son she wrote, "Thank you so much for the great car, but I'm too old to drive."  To her second she wrote, "Thank you for the great house, but it would take a century to clean and I don't need that much space."  To her third son she wrote, "O...my dear...dear son, that was delicious chicken."