Muscatine

Hey, did you all know that if you look up "dork" in the dictionary, Mallory's picture is there?

Hi Gina. If your hubby is from Iowa, he'll know about these things. It's a handy guide for newcomers you might find useful.

• you are from a town that has nearly as many churches and bars as houses.
• you bought a case of beer in one of those little towns when you were 16.
• you live in a beautiful old house with transparent plastic sheeting over the stom windows. 
• Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
• "Vacation" means driving through the Amanas, going to Adventureland or Okoboji.
• You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
• Snow tires are standard on your car.
• You "go into town"
• You have no concept of public transportation.
• The only reason you go to Missouri is for fireworks
• You wear shorts when it's 50 degrees out in March, but bundle up and complain in August when it goes below 60 degrees.
• You have gone trick-or-treating in 2 feet of snow.
• You "warsh" your clothes.
• State Wresting was a big deal at your high school
• You measure distance in minutes
• The nearest Gap and Ann Taylor are at least 90 minutes away
• Down south to you means Missouri
• You know several people who have hit a deer
• You were allowed to get a "school permit" to drive at age 14 if you lived more than a mile from school
• You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Moines"
• You could play "Iowa Bingo" with county road names when traveling from town to town (C65, D15, P36, N19, etc.)
• You know the answer to the question, "Is this Heaven?"
• Your school classes were canceled because of cold
• Your school classes were canceled because of heat
• You know what "Hawks" and "Clones" are.
• You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way
• You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day
• You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July
• Stores don't have bags, they have sacks
• You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
• You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
• You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:"Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with."
• All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or vegetable
• Detassling was your first job
• You've ever been on a "Geode Hunt"
• Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice
• You say catty wampes instead of kitty-corner
• You learn your pickup will run without a muffler
• You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both  unlocked
• You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows
• You drink "pop."
• When asked how your trip was to any foreign, exotic place, you say, "It was different."
• Going to Target is your idea of FUN
• Being a bit younger, you remember Terry Branstad as governor the whole time you were growing up.
• You consider being called a "Pork Queen" an honor.
• People from other states love to hear you say "Iowa" and other words with "Os" in them.
• You carry jumper cables in your car.
• You know what the numbers I-80, 280 and 380 mean
• You know what "cow tipping" is